wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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