There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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