yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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