thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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