Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
True but thats because hes a fetus.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
