Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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