she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
whose parrot is this?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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