She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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