Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
