She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize