Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize