You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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