i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
