The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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