Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
