I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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