Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize