also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
