I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
i think my cat just said my name.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize