I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
