JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
