Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
