she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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