WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize