Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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