I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
