i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize