i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
