I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
