I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
