yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
