I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize