So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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