The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
