the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
