Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
