I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
