i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
