im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
