fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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