Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Your cock deserves a montage
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
