I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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