This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
