He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
