i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
