there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Randomize
