I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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