Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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