yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
