I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
