He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
