This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
