Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
