I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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