Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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