My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
