I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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