shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
