garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
