I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
