I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
