if only i could text you this smell
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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