I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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