The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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