At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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