No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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