Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
