I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
