Just cropdusted the office
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
