WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
