We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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