I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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