I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
