he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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